So I’m currently working on… well, three billion and a half projects. I’m never really sure anymore, but I have two prevalent ones: The Rappening with Mattari 2600 and Idiot Zoo, which is supposed to just be a mixtape which means I don’t need to think so hard about it and try to make things work so well together… But it’s hard not to! I want to make an album with underlying themes and concepts that all tie together, but that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that lately I can’t seem to write anything good. I’m not satisfied with any of my recent lyrics, and I keep editing and scrapping and thinking and writing and editing and scrapping and repeat the process, which leaves me with zero songs.

I don’t even necessarily think that all the songs I’ve been writing are bad, or rather worse than what I usually produce, but maybe that’s the problem. It’s that they’re just as good, and I want to be better. I keep searching for these incredible lyrics, this impeccable way to write better than I have been, because I know there’s flaws in my writing, but maybe I’m just digging too deep. Maybe I should write how I know and stick with it - hell, it’s worked for me so far. People seem to like it. I mean I’m not going to just give up on expansion, everyone can always up their game, but maybe I’m just being too hard on myself recently.

I just feel like I’m on the verge of these great lyrics all the time (Particularly when I’m not at home and can’t go into a creative writing binge), and then when I finally get the time to sit down and write, it’s all gone and comes out bland. Then without fail as soon as I can’t write, I start thinking “Oh, shit, this is it!” But the verses never really take formation. It’s bizarre.

Too many of my songs are self-reflection. I don’t like that. Sure, music is a good way to both cope and express certain things, but I don’t want my music to be a public diary. Yeah, it’s a good style, people can relate to it, and it’s fun, but I want more. I’m sick of writing in the first person and talking about myself, and lately it seems that it’s all I can manage to produce.

Maybe I’m just being too hard on myself, but as someone once told me — maybe too many people aren’t being hard enough on themselves when it comes to making music. In my opinion this is as good for me as it is frustrating. Not so much writer’s block as writer’s fuck you and get better at this shit, because what I need is improvement, not “just acceptable.”

I’ll get there, I’ll just keep writing.